ames

I should have known that I would not - COULD not - sustain such elation for long. And you, astute readers, probably guessed. You were probably thinking: Gee, it's been more than a week since Stacey last had a big wedding drama, it's bound to be time for another. And you're probably rolling your eyes now as you brace yourself for more wishy-washy indecisive naval-gazing self-pity. Hell, you could probably save yourself the effort of reading any further by just pressing the back key a few times and recapping my past internal struggles.

If you hadn't already guessed, Richard and I had a row. Not a real row, really, just an emotional chat. Mmmm. We were chatting online, finalising wedding stuff, when he freaked out, once again, and I got all angry and sullen. Well, not outwardly angry. I get too concerned about Richard's feelings to ever actually express my anger. I just get sullen. But he kept pushing it, insisting that we talk on the phone about it, even though I told him I had nothing to say.

That's when I lost it. I told him how I really felt. I swore a lot. I was ANGRY. I told him he's gotta get a fucking grip. Or else. Then, later, after ending the conversation with no resultion, and seething in the shower, I wrote him a painfully honest (read: scathing) email.

Around this time, continuing with my nostalgic trawl through my past, I was plugging random names into google and stumbled upon a few high school friends who are doing rather well for themselves. One, in particular, is the executive director of some sort of international relations charity based in Boston. I noticed they have no press person, and started daydreaming about getting the job. I stopped and thought to myself, shit, I would actually consider taking this job if it was offered to me. I would ditch all my plans with Richard for such a job.

This realisation, coupled with lingering anger, haunted me throughout work. I showed up in a great mood, all flush with social interaction and Depp swooning, armed with a coffee and some ghetto fabulous tunes. But within an hour I found myself in a cubicle in hand casing with too much opportunity to think, and before I knew it I was on the verge of tears. I was seriously considering breaking up at this point. I was thinking, he's obviously not ready. We're at two different points in our lives and that is not going to change anytime soon, wedding or not. University is his priority, not me. I don't know if I can accept that. I should end it now.

I even went so far as to start searching job sites when I got home. Then Richard came online and we talked again. It wasn't very comforting at first. But he did say a few things that made me feel better. And he reacted well to the nasty email. So yeah. Undecided. Again. Another big shocker.

On a more positive note - and to reward any of you hardy souls who made it this far - an update on my 54-year-old overfriendly Laos colleague. Apparently he is thinking about returning to Laos to run for Senate there. And he thinks his time at the post office will be invaluable. Now he knows how to land a plane, run a quail farm, a restaurant and a magazine, and the internal workings of the largest US government organisation. Hmmm.

He also told us about his friend who went to Vietnam recently in search of a wife (as you do, apparently). He found a beautiful tiny young woman who was more than willing - she even offered him $300 for the priviledge - but he is undecided. Apparently, he prefers large women, as does Tom. Er... yeah. That conversation quickly turned creepy.

Have I mentioned how much I love this man: http://www.jonathanames.com ? Reading his insane naval-gazing ramblings helps restore my own sanity. Thank you Emilie.